Being diagnosed with bipolar I disorder and put on medications that drastically diminished my quality of life left me feeling hopeless, as though life would never be good again. After nearly a decade of struggle, I discovered metabolic therapies, and now, I am in full remission—symptom-free and off all psychotropic medications. This transformation feels miraculous, yet it was achieved through deliberate effort, persistence, and holding onto hope, even in the darkest times.

You often hear people talk about going to hell and back—a phrase usually meant as hyperbole. For me, it was no exaggeration. During a psychotic episode in the hospital, I vividly remember feeling trapped in eternal damnation. It was as though millions of fiery nails scraped ceaselessly against a chalkboard that was my enslaved soul—a relentless, origin-less agony I could never escape. 

I’ve now spoken with a couple of others who felt like they literally voyaged to hell during psychosis. While I openly discuss my experiences of mania and depression, some delusions are too macabre to share. They no longer scare me—I’ve since found an inner light that brings me peace—but I choose not to place those thoughts into the world.

When the psychosis eventually lifted, and I entered a severely depressed state, a residue of that darkness clung to my skin like a sticky, grimy film I couldn’t wash away. For years, there was a weight to life that didn’t exist before I got sick—a heaviness I couldn’t shake. 

I managed to work and live independently, but life felt devoid of joy. I never experienced the passion, creativity or love for life that I knew prior to my diagnosis. I became obese and sedentary. My only source of pleasure was substance-induced, and I resigned myself to the belief that this was as good as life would get, constrained by a chronic serious mental illness. 

My self-destruction was matched by a boyfriend who was happy to indulge with me. Feeling worthless and unlovable, I craved validation and affection at any cost. It didn’t matter that the relationship was exceedingly unhealthy and he was not a good fit for me. When I caught him cheating, I actually wasn’t surprised as there were countless red flags. But the betrayal still hurt, amplifying my feelings of being undesirable, broken, and deeply alone.

I kicked him out, but I hit one of my lowest points in the days that followed. I drowned myself in Nyquil, desperate to stay unconscious for as long as possible. When I was awake, I gorged on junk food to soothe the pain. But in the depths of that suffocating moment, something shifted.

I knew I couldn’t live like this anymore. I decided to confront the reality of my life and the choices I had been making. And for the first time since my diagnosis, I encouraged myself to envision a better future. 

Beginning Transformation

Though I didn’t discover ketogenic therapy until 2021, the first steps of my healing journey began at this time, the end of 2018. The most important foundation was fixating on a small glimmer of hope until it grew bright enough to illuminate a path forward. These critical steps helped me on my journey. 

1. Envision a Better Life and Let That Vision Guide Your Actions

At this dark moment, I started imagining a better version of myself—someone who was healthy, energetic, creative, and driven, full of passion for life once again. I asked myself:

• What does that version of me look like?

• What does she do every day?

• How does she act?

• How does she feel?

To bring this vision to life, I practiced guided meditation or self-hypnosis before bed and first thing in the morning. These techniques helped me visualize my future self. Even before my external circumstances changed, I began to enjoy a new spectrum of thoughts and sensations simply by living the life of my future self vicariously in the vivid landscape of my imagination.

A second benefit of these practices was building my “visualization muscle.” This mental skill allowed me to experience the life I wanted, even in the midst of challenging realities—a skill I still rely on today when I face obstacles.

Vishen Lakhiani offers a guided meditation that walks you through envisioning your ideal future three years from now, helping you reverse-engineer the actionable steps to take today. You can practice this visualization in just 7 minutes and 28 seconds starting at the ten minute mark–if you have twenty minutes, I recommend doing the entire meditation. 

Additionally, free meditation apps offer numerous visualization meditations. I personally recommend Insight Timer, where you can find wonderful guided meditations, including a wide variety of “future self” options. These can help you create a clear, actionable vision for the life you want to build.

2. Journal Your Journey and Become Your Own Mentor

Writing was one of the most powerful tools I had during this time. When I look back on my first entries when I started journaling, I am surprised by my tone. I remember how difficult life was and how many challenges I faced felt insurmountable. Yet, reading back, my voice often sounds strong and loving, full of compassion and steadfast faith in a better future. It seems almost like it’s my current self speaking to that hopeless version of me, providing invaluable reassurance. 

• I wrote affirmations to reinforce my goals, and I would think of them repeatedly in times of weakness, like when I was tempted to buy a pack of cigarettes: “The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.” As I repeated it, I would close my eyes and think of my visualization, clearly seeing the person I wanted to become. 

• I allowed myself to work through self-limiting beliefs. I faced negative emotions like shame and guilt, self-doubt, and self-loathing, compassionately reminding myself of my worth, capabilities, and potential.

• I failed over and over, and yet my words reaffirmed my dedication to behavior change. I did not give up on motivating myself. 

The more I wrote, the more I believed that change was possible. While it was not a smooth and quick journey, I was able to make progress. I slowly traded my negative coping habits for positive ones, giving up chain smoking and drinking and beginning regular exercise and meditation. When I got off course, I practiced self-compassion and focused on motivating myself. I love looking back on this excerpt from an entry in December of 2018: 

“One thing is for sure, this affirmations journal has to help me. There is no way I will be ok with looking back on failure. This is my journey forward. I am documenting it. I need to see why I succeeded and not why I failed. I need to document my steps in the right direction.” 

I'm grateful that this journal became a roadmap to my success, rather than a relic of surrendering to an unfulfilling life.

3. Manifesting: Harnessing the Science of Your Mind

This was also when I began exploring manifestation—not as magical thinking, but as a method to deeply embed goals into my subconscious, compelling behavior change and driving transformation. The idea is simple yet profound: when you focus on something you desire consistently and with intention, it begins to guide your thoughts, behaviors, and actions toward that outcome.

Manifestation works by leveraging neuroplasticity—rewiring your brain to align with the life you envision. According to Dr. Tara Swart, a neuroscientist and author of The Source, practices like meditation, journaling, and creating action boards can catalyze self-agency, empowering you to reinvent your life.

For me, manifestation has never been about attaining exorbitant material wealth or extravagant goals. Instead, I envisioned a life rich in meaningful, everyday experiences: the bliss of being healthy and fully present, sharpening my creativity, maximizing my focus, living with purpose, and, most importantly, cultivating a sense of community and deep, loving connections.

Through meditation, I learned how many of our automatic thoughts are shaped by heavily trafficked neural pathways—patterns formed over years of repetition. Some thoughts are constructive, guiding us toward growth and happiness, while others impede progress and limit our experiences. Negative thoughts, repeated over time, become so deeply ingrained that they feel like an immutable part of our identity. But they’re not. Our thoughts are more like outfits we choose to wear than permanent, immutable traits. There is immense power in purposefully choosing thoughts that serve us. With consistent practice, positive outlooks transition from feeling like contrived affirmations to becoming natural and automatic responses.

Opening Doors 

Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It begins with small, intentional steps—envisioning a better life, affirming your ability to create it, and trusting in your mind’s capacity for growth and alignment with your goals.

One of the most extraordinary realizations from my journey is that life has exceeded even my most optimistic expectations. While I fostered hope and believed in the possibility of improvement, I also accepted back then that I would always have to manage symptoms of a chronic condition and rely on medications with challenging physical and mental side effects. Thanks to metabolic therapies, that belief turned out to be untrue. I’ll never forget how envisioning a better life opened a pathway to healing that I didn’t even know existed. Trusting in the vast potential of the future opens doors to endless opportunities.